The First Five Days

February 2, 2014 - This video shows me driving home from the airport after dropping Tammy and Marcus off at the airport.  I wanted to make sure they were okay and I missed them already.  

Face Time Photos Bellingham to San Pedro.

Monday, February 3 - I was groggy and went to work.  It was a LID day or better known to most people as a teacher work day.  The day went pretty smooth for the most part.  I was looking forward for the day to be done, so I could go home and get some sleep.  I got home about 5:30 pm and made my dinner, which consisted of frozen burritos.  I would come to not like burritos after another few days of them.  I went to bed about 10pm.

Tuesday, February 4 - I was a bit groggy when my alarm went off.  I am used to Tammy and Marcus being at home, which normally makes me not hit the snooze button, but since they were gone, I hit snooze a half dozen times starting at 5am.  The next thing I knew it was 6:15am and I needed to leave at 6:30am.  Because I had not slept well, I think I was dreaming and thought I had already got out of bed and was downstairs already.  "Oh no!" I said, when I actually woke up and realized I was still sleeping.  It was 6:30am now and I still needed to get ready for work and feed the goats, dog, chickens, get the car ready!!!  Oh I was frustrated, but I gave myself a break, since I knew I was transitioning.  I actually thought that the worst was behind me.  I was about 5 minutes late for work, which was not too back considering I woke up so late.  The day went okay and I got home that night and went to bed at a decent time thinking the next morning was going to be much better.  Boy was I wrong.

Wednesday, February 5 - This was the morning from HELL!  I'm not kidding.  I think the devil was having a good ole time.  I woke up and was a little less groggy, but was going to just make it to work.  I fed the goats, the chickens, and the dog.  I got all my stuff ready and then went to get in the electric car, our Nissan Leaf.  It was not charged enough to get to work and I found out the charging unit at the Blaine, WA waterfront was not working, so I had to take the camper.  My truck needed a new starter, so I couldn't take that.  I got in the camper and realized there was no gas.  I was stressed, because the goats had taken longer than normal, the Leaf was not charged, and I had to transfer my gear to the camper, which was out of gas.  I started the VW up and drove down to the Cheveron station.  "Yes." I thought to myself, "I am going to just barely make it to work on time."  I got out of the VW and unlocked the gas cap.  I reached into my pocket only to find . . . nothing.  No cash.  No wallet.  Nothing but receipts from miscellaneous stuff.  I had one chance.  I walked into the Cheveron station and embarrassed asked if I could leave my cell phone, get some gas and come back  in a few minutes.  I explained that I did not think I could make it back to my house, because I was too low on gas.  The female gas attendant said, "Sorry, I wish I could, but i could lose my job if I did."  I said it was okay and then went back to the  camper van, frustrated.  I was stuck, so I started looking in all the nooks and crannies and found $1.62.  I then took it back inside, paid the lady, and went home.  Now I was going to be really late.  Not only that, I had to teach a class and then go observe some teachers.  What a mess.  I went home and looked for my wallet.  It was no where.  I grabbed some cash, drove to the gas station and got gas.  Now I was 30 minutes late and I wasn't even out of Bellingham.  By the time I got to work, I was 50 minutes late, completely frustrated and felt embarrassed that I could not get my act together.  The day did not go well.  I was essentially late for everything that day and just wanted it to be over.  The day ended and I drove home in the VW van that I was cursing at earlier that day.  As I was getting on the freeway, I started to think that I was not ready to be a bachelor again.  I have become so dependent on Tammy as my partner and Marcus as my son.  It dawned on me that I had not prepared myself for the changes that had suddenly been thrust on me.  I needed a plan, but what should it look like?

The next few days went reasonably well and then the weekend came.  I had a chance to regroup.

Face Time Photo Bellingham to San Pedro

It's Really Happening!

Okay. . . I can do this. . . I can do this!

Well, maybe not.  Over the past few months since Tammy, my wife, announced that she and Marcus my son were going to Guatemala for three months as part of his GAP year, I have wondered how I would feel when they left. 

At times, I thought that I would enjoy the freedom.  I started to get excited about being able to get up and have the house to myself.  I could just use the fireplace to heat the house, watch TV as much as I wanted, use Marcus' video games, stay at work late, help at the BAAY theater, and do whatever else I wanted to. 

As time got closer, I started to get worried.  I was afraid that I would feel sad.  A few days before they left, I had an emotional moment, where I had pressure in my chest at the thought not hearing AC/DC in the car or the record player at bedtime.  After a few minutes I pulled it together.  For the next two days, I was stable and had no more emotional issues. 

Then came Super Bowl Sunday.  It was a day of highs and lows.  The Seahawks were in the Superbowl and Tammy and Marcus were leaving for Guatemala.  We watched the game and then took them to the airport.  We kissed and hugged and then we left.  I watched Tammy and Marcus walk into SEATAC airport.  It would be the last time that I saw them for two months until I went to visit them in San Pedro and another month after that until they came back to Bellingham.  I was surprised that I did not cry when they left.  I had a confused feeling, but I did not cry. . . until later.

I was driving home and I thought I would put in Marcus' AC/DC disc.  As soon as I did, I knew it was a mistake.  Bam, it hit me.  I got the rush of panic and an overwhelming urge to cry.  So, I did.  I also took the CD out.  I wasn't ready yet.  It was the first time that I have felt that alone since Tammy and I got married eighteen years ago, on March 31, 1995.  It wasn't the first time that I have been without them.  There was the week they spent in Bothel with her parents.  There was the time that they went to Mexico, but they came home early, because it got too cold.  I think they just missed me too much :)  This was different.  Three months was a long time.  A really long time.  I stopped that night to charge my electric car in Burlington.  I played with Luna and played Scramble on my I-phone in the freezing car.  By the time I got home, it was midnight and I went upstairs, got in bed and went to sleep.  I was out.  The emotional day had taken it's toll. 

All-in-all, I felt pretty good about the way I dealt with my family leaving.  I came to realize in the days following that I was in for a transition that took me back to a time in my life that was much less structured and full of quiet solitude, time management, sadness and a stress that I had forgotten existed.  Bachelorhood.